rebel against the box

i love the sound of snow crunching under my feet.

salsa dancing is an art that i must master.

i just spent a week in calgary, alberta with my friend dana. in 7 days we hit 20 pubs/bars. we just had a lot of catching up to do. the free refill is truly a beautiful thing.
the kilkenny became a regular stop for us and one particular day we spent about 5-6 hours in there. a caesar and bbq chicken wings for a buck! can't go wrong with that! with american football playing in the background we talked about everything to do with god, men and church. i actually had to cut myself off from the coffee cause i noticed i hadn't blinked in about five minutes and my speech was picking up speed with every syllable.

went to banff for one night. my favorite place in canada. ski village in the heart of the rockies! i worked there for a summer in '97 and think i left part of my heart there. i've never seen a town hold that kind of a vibe before. i always seem to be able to dream there and feel free there. this particular time we sat in the magpie and stump bar for hours drinking margharita's and chatting to people from all over the world. a lot of australian's. come to work and snowboard. we stayed in this amazing little youth hostel with a snowboarder from new zealand and another guy from australia. i love the feeling that you get when you now that everyone there is traveling, and up for an adventure, and has a story to tell. i think thats what i love about banff...the mountains and the fact that everyone there has a story to tell. it's like a pilgrim's mecca.

after visiting the banff hot springs and a pitstop at wild bill's salon for nachos...real nachos...we headed back to calgary. i was sad to go. i hope it's not another year till i see it again. if any of my readers are willing to uproot their lives and move with me to banff to open a 24-7 cafe/bar and snowboard...i'm taking proposals. until then...i guess i'll keep dreaming.

this week was totally a week of confirmations. god confirmed that yes at some stage in my life i will spend a season in canada, that i am a pilgrim, that i am a networker, that manchester has captured my heart forever, that the people i know and love in manchester are family forever, that god is speaking to me and through me, that i can actually hear his voice more than i thought i could, that people mean more to me than possessions, schedules or jobs, that a couple of hours in a pub is time well spent, that i was there to be with dana and connect her with some people....oh hold on my dog is looking at me with those "i really have to go to the bathroom" eyes...
... it's snowing again! big lush snowflakes!
anyway, what was i saying...god confirmed that this past year has changed me...and that i'm starting to see what some of those changes are now that i'm outside of manchester. and i'm starting to see the person that i am clearer now. the person that i've become and who i'm becoming.
i feel more relaxed. more accepting of myself. not so concerned with what people think of me...but love just being...flaws and all. thats not to say that i take a laid back approach to seeing more freedom and fullness in my life but i'm saying that i'm at a stage where i'm liking me for who i am...flawed, scared and moving forward. there is beauty in that.

i have babbled enough, but this week was exciting. it reminded me of last summer in chile. i knew this was god and i knew he was speaking and i knew i had a purpose for being there...and the rest just flowed. if my life could be a collection of moments like that i would be a very happy person. i don't know whats next but i'm holding everything in my hands lightly. and i'm ok with that. living outside the box...or die trying.

"i wonder if the anti-consumerism theme that has been adopted by so many of the greatest thinkers and activists of our time... is not yet another wingless liberation. simply reducing one's consumption is not any solution at all, rather a mere procrastination from the real problem. the real problem is not about possession; it's about love. it has been proven over years of psychological observation that when love is repressed, it can often become possessiveness. it fits perfectly: we who have so little love to give surround ourselves with things that both require and radiate little if any love, for it is easier to numb ourselves from pain than it is to accept that all pain has a meaning. the real solution is not to buy less, but to love more."

-tim kast/adbusters

well, in complete ozzie style, i kept waking up every 3 minutes last night out of sheer excitment about flying to the mountains this morning. i was wide awake at 4am. my body screaming out at me to go back to bed. finally, thinking it was 6:30am and that i had to leave in half an hour i hurled myself about the room throwing stuff into a backpack, jumped in the shower, dressed and ran up the stairs...only to find out that it was still really dark and only 5:30am!! grrr...

i'm excited about this week cause i feel like it's going to be significant. no idea why and i don't have any expectations apart from having a great time. but every now and then in life i cheat hind-sight and know that what i'm about to embark on is something life-changing and note-worthy. so here i come calgary

well here i am...wide awake at 5:30 in the morning. jet-lag. it's a weird part of the morning...the kind that is reserved only for thoughts. feel almost like an imposter.

i'm back in canada...arrived thursday night at 10:30pm after 20 hours of travelling. i swear this trip seems to get longer. this time the whole leaving thing felt different. it seemed harder than any other time. still trying to get my head around that one. i felt like i was leaving more of me behind there. felt strangely attached to the city and my friends in a way that i hadn't before. and then came the familiar pain associated with missing something or someone you really love. hmmm..will have to rendez-vous with 5:30am a few more times before i totally come to grips with all of that.

had the best leaving doo in the history of oria the night before i left the uk. beautiful meal of fajita's and wine at main road with some of my favorite people in the world...and then off to poo na na's. my favorite place to chill and drink and dance. with it's low ceilings, arched doorways, cushins, drapes handing from the ceiling, candles, and live music. i will run a bar one day and that place will always be my inspiration. that night there was nowhere else i would have wanted to be in the world. i felt loved.

so far my time in canada over the last 24 hours has involved... sleep, wierd drugs, heart palpatations, coffee, jumpin jack flash, new car, new car breaking down at a red light, christine and the babies, the house of memories, A&W, rootbeer, and a lengthy hair gel discussion with my dad in the pharmacy. apparently hair serum is the way forward. this coming from a man with the same curly fuzzy hair as me...i'm going to go with that.

beginning to see just how much i have changed over this last year, as my life unfolds here. liking what i see...

no longer is the bathroom a peaceful place to escape and reflect. the toilet seat has dislodged itself. you now have to tetter on the seat with fear. kinda feels like what i imagine riding a wild bull would be like. you get on and things seem ok for a few split seconds and then WHAM!!! your off and slightly dazed. if you don't fall off you are chased around the bathroom after your finished. whilst trying to pull up your trousers the seat slithers off most ungraciously followed by the lid and you are left running for your life from the germ infested seat from hell.

not a pretty sight. but quite funny when you don't brief visitors before sending them into the loo as 'death toilet virgins'.

going to canada in less than 2 weeks. gonna be fun. thinking i need to spend a week of that in calgary...with dana and the epic guys. hope i have enough air miles for that. also would like to get a job for about a month. not sure if thats possible but we'll see.

this week i was part of the 24-7team at the transformations conference that took place here in manchester. uganda has seen transformation as a nation because people unified and started to really pray. some of these guys decided to come to manchester and spend a week with us here in england to pray. to help us pray. there were about 550 people from 80 nations who packed into the building..not for a 'bless me' time but because they were desperate or wanted to be desperate for change in the nation. a bunch of us set up a prayer room and prayed for the conference...for the nation...for breakthrough. so my week was spent on my knees. it was hard work. the phrase 'you learn to pray by praying' proved to be truth. learnt a lot.

ate a lot of veggie food. mmm....

a very wise friend told me the other day that when a trapeze artist lets go of the swing she was on and decides to fly through the air there is nothing else she can do to complete the act except hold her hands in the right and ready position. she has to trust the receiver to grab her hands. if she tries to grab on to his then she will break her wrists. very profound. i feel like i am in that moment of purposeful flight. i have left what was, behind me. taking with me only that which i'm meant to carry. and i'm trusting god for whats next. i know it will be about intimacy and adventure... as always. this will never change. i'm kinda excited tho cause i think it will be the most exciting part of my life yet. hmmm... i've learnt one thing tho and that is to stay on my knees until he tells me to move my feet.