junho 14, 2003
i'm exhausted. spent the day setting up a prayer room. we at the boiler room were asked to put a prayer room for this 'boys b boys' event. this day for guys aged 11-18 with seminars in breakdancing, graffiti, djing, etc, with god talks and live music. they wanted a 24-7 prayer room in it too so thats where we came in to the picture. was knackering for all involved especially the lads who had to stay there and monitor everything for the day. i'm sure it was good and benefical in the light of eternity...since most of the lads who came to have a gander were not christians...but drawing pictures of the male genetalia on the floor is not my idea of worship. but anyways...
this weekend have had a girl from germany, annette, out to visit and chat to us bout boiler rooms...she's thinking of starting one up near frankfurt. so i've been showing her around manchester and cafe hopping chatting about 24-7, prayer, boiler rooms, visions, and sharing dreams. fun stuff.
there was talk of me visiting her in germany...ya know, sit in the beer gardens in the sun and share vision, help out however i can, and eat lots of big german sausages, and giant pretzels. mmmmmm....
this weekend has reminded me how much i love networking and meeting people from other places and building longterm relationships. one of my favorite things. somehow it seems to refocuses me and gets me dreaming in high gear.
beening with annette has reminded me of why i'm doing all this 24-7 stuff... needed that again! was challenged to pray with fiestiness for manchester, and for my dreams that god's given me. i know without a doubt that this prayer thing works... so here we go. c'mon!
this weekend have had a girl from germany, annette, out to visit and chat to us bout boiler rooms...she's thinking of starting one up near frankfurt. so i've been showing her around manchester and cafe hopping chatting about 24-7, prayer, boiler rooms, visions, and sharing dreams. fun stuff.
there was talk of me visiting her in germany...ya know, sit in the beer gardens in the sun and share vision, help out however i can, and eat lots of big german sausages, and giant pretzels. mmmmmm....
this weekend has reminded me how much i love networking and meeting people from other places and building longterm relationships. one of my favorite things. somehow it seems to refocuses me and gets me dreaming in high gear.
beening with annette has reminded me of why i'm doing all this 24-7 stuff... needed that again! was challenged to pray with fiestiness for manchester, and for my dreams that god's given me. i know without a doubt that this prayer thing works... so here we go. c'mon!
junho 10, 2003
found myself at a prayer meeting today. stepped back from a lot of that sort of thing for a few months. so today was the first time in a long time. and i hated it. was reminded of just how much i don't know god and how much i have to learn about his voice and listening to him and being intimate with him. i know that it only comes from being with him...and yet i don't know what that means for ME. i don't want to do it the way we've been taught to pray or woship or be with him cause i really believe that it's different and unique for every individual. i need to discover this for myself cause i don't want it to be religious or forced or fake. but somewhere in my search for what is real i've distanced myself from god.
how can i expect a city or nation to pray if i'm not doing so myself. i have to practise what i preach.
it's amazing how easy it can be to convince people about something so passionately and yet not be living it out yourself. once again i am convicted to be real, and to search for intimacy. help me god.
how can i expect a city or nation to pray if i'm not doing so myself. i have to practise what i preach.
it's amazing how easy it can be to convince people about something so passionately and yet not be living it out yourself. once again i am convicted to be real, and to search for intimacy. help me god.
junho 09, 2003
i hate reading...wish that wasn't the case but it is. however, every now and then i come across something that i know i HAVE to read cause the impact will be incredible. found that to be the case with keith green's journals. to see inside a life that impacted so many people. and then to realise that he had the same questions, doubts and struggles that you or i experience. really impacting. i actually want to read on cause it makes me feel not so... abnormal and alone in the journey.
"to swim in guilt and self punishment is as time wasting as not seeing your mistakes. each day i start out with a clean record so i can travel lighter without guilty afflictions, or pride laden medals of victory. the war with one's self never ends cause the enemy is subtle..." thats good keith. i often think i have to bear with the guilt of something/sin until enough time has passed that the sting is gone, or i can forget about it. grace and forgiveness is a sweet thing.
so... i'm enjoying reading this book...especially in random places...like in the backyard in the sun, or in a really dingy bar in the northern quarter, or in piccadilly gardens waiting for a friend. makes it slightly more bearable and my attention doesn't wander as quickly.
"to swim in guilt and self punishment is as time wasting as not seeing your mistakes. each day i start out with a clean record so i can travel lighter without guilty afflictions, or pride laden medals of victory. the war with one's self never ends cause the enemy is subtle..." thats good keith. i often think i have to bear with the guilt of something/sin until enough time has passed that the sting is gone, or i can forget about it. grace and forgiveness is a sweet thing.
so... i'm enjoying reading this book...especially in random places...like in the backyard in the sun, or in a really dingy bar in the northern quarter, or in piccadilly gardens waiting for a friend. makes it slightly more bearable and my attention doesn't wander as quickly.
junho 06, 2003
well... here begins the unyielding search for intimacy and adventure. the two things i want most out of life. i've been yakking on about this for 6 months now and so i thought it was time that i did something pro-active about it. hence this blog... a chance to communicate to you what goes on in my head and tell stories. so from these simple beginnings, let the adventures begin...
in the last 2 weeks i have begun to think differently. i'm beginning to realise that what God has for me and what the world wants from me are 2 totally different things. i suppose i've always known this to be true... but wrestling with god this past little while has brought it home for me. it's as if the world tries to stuff you into this box which you blatently weren't ever made to fit into. and if you try it out even for alittle while you die. God created me to fly...but the world tells me to stay grounded. it makes my head spin! how and when does this happen?
in my paniced attempt to sort out my life i've asked these questions to anyone who i knew would really listen...who is god, and where the hell is he?...who am i and who am i REALLY?...what am i supposed to being doing with this life and where am i supposed to be doing it? (please somewhere hot...have had it with this bloody rain)
and after all the coffee i've realised a few things....one - i'm a dreamer. and if thats my greatest skill in life than i'm more than ok with that. two - my life will never be normal so accept it oz cause you prayed for the messed up model. three - intimacy and trust have to come before anything else...and the adventure WILL follow. and four - faith and prayer play a major role in all of this or it won't work.
not bad.
i'm not that much further ahead then when i first started really asking the tough questions but i feel more positive. cause i know what makes me tick and i know that god had something to do with it...and we'll go from there.
i'll start dreamin again...
in the last 2 weeks i have begun to think differently. i'm beginning to realise that what God has for me and what the world wants from me are 2 totally different things. i suppose i've always known this to be true... but wrestling with god this past little while has brought it home for me. it's as if the world tries to stuff you into this box which you blatently weren't ever made to fit into. and if you try it out even for alittle while you die. God created me to fly...but the world tells me to stay grounded. it makes my head spin! how and when does this happen?
in my paniced attempt to sort out my life i've asked these questions to anyone who i knew would really listen...who is god, and where the hell is he?...who am i and who am i REALLY?...what am i supposed to being doing with this life and where am i supposed to be doing it? (please somewhere hot...have had it with this bloody rain)
and after all the coffee i've realised a few things....one - i'm a dreamer. and if thats my greatest skill in life than i'm more than ok with that. two - my life will never be normal so accept it oz cause you prayed for the messed up model. three - intimacy and trust have to come before anything else...and the adventure WILL follow. and four - faith and prayer play a major role in all of this or it won't work.
not bad.
i'm not that much further ahead then when i first started really asking the tough questions but i feel more positive. cause i know what makes me tick and i know that god had something to do with it...and we'll go from there.
i'll start dreamin again...
